Editing and improving your work - ERIC Blogspot and fun extension
FUN CHALLENGE
Why don't you use your brain power to imporve these 4 simple sets of (and a little bit boring ) sentences.
Only rules they have to have roughly the same meaning - trying adding adjectives, changing verbs, adding adverbs, using connectives etc to improve them.
Add your newly improvements sentences at comments to this post!
1 - The man walked up the stairs. He went to bed.
2 - The girl went to the park.
3 - Archie was happy with the score.
4 - Louise wanted a horse ride.
Mr Watson
P.s. There might be a few house points for the best entries and efforts !
Why don't you use your brain power to imporve these 4 simple sets of (and a little bit boring ) sentences.
Only rules they have to have roughly the same meaning - trying adding adjectives, changing verbs, adding adverbs, using connectives etc to improve them.
Add your newly improvements sentences at comments to this post!
1 - The man walked up the stairs. He went to bed.
2 - The girl went to the park.
3 - Archie was happy with the score.
4 - Louise wanted a horse ride.
Mr Watson
P.s. There might be a few house points for the best entries and efforts !
7 comments:
1. The old man cautiously climbed up the broken stairs, then he fell into his soft bed.
2. The tall, young girl excitedly skipped to the green park.
3. Archie , a small boy, was thrilled to see the score that he had earned.
4. Louise impatiently stomped around waiting for her horse ride.
1. The tired man trudged up the stairs to his old creaky bed.
2. The brunette girl happily cycled to the play park.
3. Archie was delighted with the rugby score because he scored the winning try.
4. Louise complained that she should have a horse ride.
Harry H
1- The young tired man cautiously walked upstairs and went to bed with an elephant size yawn.
2- The young energetic girl,who had blonde hair, ran enthusiastically to the hippo sized park.
3- Archie was over whelmed with his maths score because he had never done anything like it befor
4- Louise, the extrodiary horse ridder, got her own horse and was unbelievably desperte to ride on it.
The cranky wrinkled old man, heaved his bodyweight, step by step, up the brand new marble staircase which led to antique bed which needed fixing, and was going to fall apart the very next morning.
The beautiful and black haired 9 year old cautiosly skipped to the newly opened park.
Archie, the most miserable boy on the planet, was finally satisfied with the score he achieved on his video game.
Louise longed for a horse ride on her favourite chestnut horse, and sinse noone was giving her one, she went up to the horse, pushed the girl whose turn it was to ride it away from it and quickly jumped on it before anyone could stop her.
Katie S
1.The clumsy man stumbled up the endless stairs.And bumped his head before fainting into his unmade bed.
2.The blonde haired girl cycled on her pink bike to safe park.
3.Archie was overwhelmed with the football score.
4.Louise the talanted horse rider waited impatiently for her horse ride.
the old grumpy man walked slowly up the old wooden stairs and went to sleep in is blue bed.
the blond hair and blue eyed girl wanted to go to the park.
archie was amazed with the scores he had made.
louise despertly wanted a horse ride.
The shattered old man slowly plodded up the creaky flea bitten stairs. As he reached his comfy soft bed he collapsed, what a tiring day he had.
The georgeos ginger haired girl skipped happily to the green grassy park.
Archie was perfectly happy with the score seeings they drew and had no time to warm up for the match.
Louise was desperate to horse ride since she had recently found out her mother was a talented horse rider.
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